Whew.. where do I begin? Okay let's start off by me saying that I absolutely love what I do, the spiritual side, the paranormal side, all of it but what I absolutely do not like and REALLY don't understand is the drama. It's not even about it being «high-schoolish», it's about how people rip each other to shreds on purpose and with voracity. Honestly, never in my life have I seen such low-blows exchanged, such hatred in people's hearts and such blindness to one's own negativity in my LIFE (not even in high school was it THIS bad!). The people who talk smack about people being negative are the SAME people causing the drama and negativity. So many people in this field claim to «just tell it like it is».. that would be fine if you were stating facts and not just your own opinion. «Exposing» people serves what purpose? You're only exposing them for what YOU think and feel they did or are doing wrong. Who died and made you supreme ruler and judge/official? Please, enlighten me, what makes YOUR opinion right and theirs wrong? Seriously. Please let me know. I don't get it.

Gone are the days where people worry only about themselves and what they are doing.. now everyone is in everyone else's business. I can understand if someone you personally know was affected by a person, but that has nothing to do with it usually, it's just a straight-up mean-hearted evilness that comes out. Here's what you need to think about. So... let's see, YOU are claiming that someone else is hurting someone by their actions or beliefs right? And so you set out to humiliate or discredit or ruin them and that HURTS someone ELSE... so what makes YOU any better than them?

PEOPLE listen up!!! There is enough room in the paranormal/spiritual world for ALL of us.. we don't have to knock each other down, spread lies, spread hate or any of these things. I'm not saying «love and light 24/7», what I'm saying is, why can't we COMMUNICATE civily without attacking, accept our differences.. they don't have to be resolved, just agree to disagree and co-exist. I am so tired of the negativity, the bashing, slashing, tearing down of one another... it does no good.. you may feel better for doing it MOMENTARILY and then what, the hole is back and you can never seem to fill it.

Do you remember when YOU have done something that people didn't agree with, do you remember when YOU did something you were ashamed of? Do you remember when YOU did something and someone took it out of context, not at all the way you intended it to be? Do you remember when YOU maybe were going through something in your life like a divorce, death of a loved one, losing your home, losing your job... PUT YOURSELF IN THAT PERSON'S SHOES BEFORE YOU SPEW HATRED. We are all human, we all have flaws, we all have weaknesses, we are all vulnerable and we all have FEELINGS, whether you will admit it or not. Stop tearing down the community and instead help build it up. Stop focusing on what you think is WRONG and do more of what you think is RIGHT.. lead by example not by tearing others down. You can only control YOU, so do what YOU can in YOUR OWN LIFE. Effect change for YOU... be the example of what you would like to see in the community and others will follow. Sighhhh... I'm tired... and thankful that there are many great, fantastic people in this community that make me still want to do this... many wonderful clients who appreciate who we are and what we do and ignore the drama because all they really want is help. Isn't that why we do this? To help people? Who are we helping when we tear others down? No one! It makes the paranormal community look foolish and causes us to have to work harder to help people. It's a viscious cycle don't you see... one that you can stop. Stop spreading hate, stop spreading negativity, stop spreading darkness...

Sighhhh a girl can have dreams right? sighhhhhh.... thank you to all the wonderful people who do NOT promote ripping/tearing/shredding/negativity..

Okay so one of my New Year's resolutions is to blog at least twice a week. I want to blog every day but that's probably unrealistic, so let's shoot for twice a week haha. So this is my first entry for the year and I wanted to talk about being grateful and seeing blessings even in a raging storm. There have been so many posts on FB these past couple weeks about how horrible things are, but I have learned over the last couple years that there is always something to be thankful for. Now.. I am known to be an open book and share some of my life in order to help others and that's what I'm going to do today. People admire me for it and it is part of who I am and part of what I think makes a teacher a great teacher and it will never change, this is ME So I'm gonna give you some examples of some things going on in my life that I could look at with gloom and doom but instead, I can find the blessing in there somewhere... so get ready maybe for some laughs and some eye-opening and maybe perspective adjustment So here are some situations in my life and the positives I can take from them:

1. I had to move back home with my mom.
Now that in itself sucks right? I'm 33 and I have to live with moms again.... however I am blessed that I CAN live with my mom again, that I had somewhere to turn when I needed it. And while she and I butt heads alot, it's also a great situation in that I can go out and I have a built-in babysitter And when I do get my own place again, I will enjoy it and appreciate it that much more after having lived with my mother again... and the final wonderful thing about it is that my kids get to see grandma every day... they love grandma and grandma loves waking up to huggy-wuggy-kissy-wissy from her 5 yr old grandaughter.. it's the highlight of her day

2. I am getting divorced after 13 years of marriage.
Again, not really the ideal situation right? While it's not the ideal situation as in I never imagined when I said I do that I would say I don't at some point.. It is good for all involved and I am at a point spiritually and emotionally that it is much easier to deal with than say 4 years ago. I did ALL I could do to make it work and I can walk away knowing that... I can look in the mirror and say I did all that I could do and move on. He's not a horrible person, I'm not a horrible person, we're good people, just not good together. We got married too young and for the wrong reasons. Period. There is no one to blame, no right or wrong, it just is what it is. We will move forward as friends and parents and be able to find ourselves again, be happy and live life. I'm sure there will be ups and downs in this process, after all when you live with someone for 13 years, there is a routine and that obviously has completely changed... I can't call him anymore with news or just to shoot the breeze.. I can sort of, but it's delicate, I care about his feelings, because that's who I am, so I play it by ear, day by day and that's all I can do. So... the good thing is, I feel free to be me, I am pursuing my passion, enjoying my time with my kids and my friends and it's good

3. I have to get a «real» job again
Well I would prefer to not have to work a real job but I also think it will be great to get out and do something and to make my own money consistently. It's rewarding and it will allow me to fund the stuff I REALLY love to do, which is my paranormal stuff. I have been blessed to find a job that allows me flexibility, so I can work the hours I want to and take time off to speak at and go to conferences, the paranormal cruise and to finally get my books published. Here's the real blessing, that I am ABLE to work, that I have experience in a wide variety of fields, so I have options... that's a blessing Also back to #1 that I live with my mom, so I can choose the job that pays less but offers flexibility and is more enjoyable, instead of the 9-5 grind of tech support...I just don't want to go back to that yet. It's not about money, it's about not being miserable every day at work...at least for me

4. I have to get back into the dating world again...whew... LOL
The good thing here is that I definitely know what I do and don't want and vs. my younger years, now I will NOT settle. It's not being picky, it's knowing what works for you and what doesn't and what has a better chance of lasting and what doesn't. If that takes a while, hey so be it, I don't HAVE to have someone in my life. And in the meantime I will have fun, live life and seize the moment and I can be my freaky Scorpio self again WOOT WOOT hahahahaaa

Okay, that's it for now.... so now you know a little bit more about me and what I'm going through and hopefully it helps you to find the silver lining because there always is one. Maybe later this week I will give some examples of my childhood and how I used them as lessons and not excuses So many people become «victims» without realizing they are always in control and can choose what they do with every experience in their life...will you let it rule you and control you or will you make it what you want it to be?

Okay, so a great point was brought up tonight and I thought I'd blog about it and get people's input/thoughts/opinions. So.. for those on their spiritual path who believe in the Law of Attraction, we are taught to focus on what we DO want, not what we don't want. And I believe that but to what extreme?? Here's an example... I posted a poll on FB tonight that I believe the punishment for dogfighting should be a felony. And the poll was accompanied by a picture of a dog who had been severly injured in a dogfight. I got a response that they didn't want to see that type of picture and that we should focus on what we do want.

Now... while I agree that we should focus on what we do want, where does focusing on what we DO want blur into ignoring the reality of life as it is? If I never watch the news, never read anything on the Internet and am never exposed to anything that is «wrong» in the world, does that really help? So, if I don't want dogfighting to occur and I focus on happy, healthy dogs, is that really doing anything to help the dogs who are being inhumanely treated? I do believe that the power of intent is amazing, however I ALSO believe in good-old fashioned tactics in trying to make a difference (like stricter punishment for the crime and being passionate about a belief enough to move others to help cause change).

I do believe that sometimes focusing on things more, can cause more and that it's in the WAY that you go about it that makes the difference. For example, instead of focusing on «Anti-war», we should focus on «Pro-Peace». I do believe that people focusing on peace can cause a shift, a change, however so do people who make noise and are passionate about bringing about laws, change, etc. So, where do we draw the line on voicing our passions for things that we feel need change... and what's the best way to go about it? When is it focusing on what we don't want vs. putting energy towards effecting change? In this example of dog fighting, how would we effect change in the greatest way? Or maybe there is another topic that you're more passionate about.... I want to hear your opinions on the subject, how you feel, what you believe, ideas on what methods are the most effective.

Hello all... for those of you that know what I do, I communicate with those that have passed on. And since Michael Jackson's passing, I have communicated with him several times (he first actually came to my husband and then I started talking to him lol). I wanted to pass along the information that I received and while this is not all of it, this is a big chunk of it so far... and I plan to have many more communication sessions with him I feel so blessed that he accepted my invitation to communicate with me. And it was funny, it felt like a «real» interview, it was so fun! He is and always will be an entertainer, that hasn't changed. And his spirit is so amazingly beautiful, peaceful and caring.

So for your enjoyment, here are some messages from Michael Jackson. Feel free to post comments, and while I appreciate that everyone has an opinion, if you are plain rude or use profanity, your comment will not be approved!

I did this in sort of an interview style with him, so my questions are first and then his response

What was YOUR favorite song (of your own work)?

Many of you might think I would say Thriller, but Beat It was actually my favorite. There was such an energy and spunk to that song.. you could feel it, everyone could feel it. That song changed things for me in so many ways. It was a hit with all kinds of people. When I performed that song on stage, you could feel the energy buzzing in the crowd, it was magnificent. My only goal in this life was to entertain people, to make them smile, to make their heart sing even if it was only for a couple minutes or that night or the next day. I thought if I could just get the whole world to smile, it would be different, it would be better. Uniting people through music, that was my passion. It didn't matter what color you were, or what your upbringing was, you could turn on my music and feel it, groove to it, smile. That's all I wanted.

What message do you have for all your fans that adore you and miss you deeply?

I really want to say thank you so much for the love shown today. I knew that I was adored by many but to be able to see it from this vantage point, it was truly amazing! I felt so alone in the world, which you may think would be odd, the King of Pop feeling lonely, but I felt so alone… but to see all of you today smiling, crying, then smiling again, it was so beautiful. I wish that could have happened somehow while I was still physically there, but it's enough to have seen it at all. Such beautiful people (I can feel the emotion in his words right now – very touched), so many of you who supported me no matter what, those of you who saw that I was this gentle, caring soul, even through the media attacks and the drama, many of you still saw the genuine love that I was really about.

It hurt me deeply, the things that people said, the accusations… I was only trying to help people… to help children especially to live the life I never had. Childhood was never within my grasp… always at arms length. All I really longed for was to play like a normal child, watch cartoons, sitting in front of the tv with a bowl of cereal. That was never a reality for me, it was always Michael the entertainer. I never got to really be Michael the son, or Michael the boy, or Michael the everyday person. From a young age I was made to be an adult, to think like an adult, to act like an adult and I was punished when I tried to act like a child. It was very confusing for me, very hard to grasp, very hard to live that way. No one can ever come close to knowing what it was like for me growing up and the internal demons I struggled with as a result. Everyone on the outside saw this cute, talented kid, but inside I felt like I was never good enough. If I could just be what they wanted me to be, then maybe I would feel better inside. But no matter what I did, someone didn't approve, it wasn't good enough for someone, and I always fell short. I see now that the people around me did what they thought was best, but at the time it was so hurtful. All we really want as kids is to be accepted by our parents and siblings, and I never really was. I think it was very difficult for my parents at times because here I was, standing out from the crowd, and my brothers had a certain disgust for the way that people took to me. I don't blame them because it was perpetuated by everyone, I was treated as if I was the superstar, not all of us as superstars and that will cause strife in any family. My parents didn't handle it well, but they did what they knew to do.

What message do you have for your family (your brothers, sisters, parents, etc)? (We'll get to your kids in a minute)

Please do not feel regret for anything that you said or did. I love you unconditionally and nothing you could have said would ever make that go away. Some things hurt me, yes, but there was always love, that couldn't go away, it was there. I didn't blame you for the things you did, I blamed the situation. I feel so much love for you all in my heart, words cannot describe it. It pains me deeply to see you hurting so much and I want to thank you for all that you have done to help the world commemorate my life and my passing. It was such an honor to be remembered in that way and I know you worked hard to make sure it was «just right». Remember me as the sweet, loving, caring man that I was and keep that in your hearts. I will be here waiting for you when it's your time, waiting with open arms (and a Jackson welcome) (not sure what that means he's not showing me but I get that it has special meaning for the family?). I love you all so much! Please celebrate my life and do not mourn too long for my passing. I am at peace now, a peace I never felt there. I am free… free to be me… that's heaven, that's paradise, and that is the beauty I live in now… so do not mourn for me, be exhilarated that I finally have found my place, found my peace, found a place for me…. I will visit you often. When you see a yellow bird, think of me and know that I am near…. In a restaurant with yellow napkins… at the bakery on 105th… at the dry cleaners… at the supermarket… I will be with you everywhere. Do not spend much time trying to hold on to me and my memory, it will never fade for I am always with you.

What messages do you have for your children?

To my beautiful, beautiful babies… yes you will always be babies in my eyes. I would have given you the world if I could and I am so blessed to have been a part of your lives for the time we had together… although we are still connected.. I am still here for you whenever you need me… Do not cry that daddy is gone, daddy is still here. Although you can't physically touch me, you can close your eyes and visit with me anytime day or night. I'll be there. …always and forever! Just know that your daddy loves you with every ounce of his being, with every breath he took and you were the greatest joy and victory in my life. My life as an entertainer paled in comparison to my life as a father. I will forever cherish you, my little angels. You brought so much joy to my life, you were my reason for getting up in the morning, you make me smile (you are my sunshine), you made me keep on pushing through when I just didn't feel like it. You were my everything, my all, my loves, my heart. Keep close to your grandma, she loves you deeply and do as she says… she knows what's best for you. You will have many, many people to help you now and make sure you show respect and are thankful because they will be what helps you get through this hard time right now. You are surrounded by Earth Angels who love you deeply and want what's best for you. I will always love you, always cherish you, always guide and protect you. Big monkey hugs and kisses…. And teddy bear wishes.

I know this is a sore subject for you, but can you make some comments about the accusations?

I don't hold any anger or grudges in my heart for those that accused me. They were just as lost as I was. Many times people feel so hopeless and when they see a way out from that hopelessness, they lose sight of what's right. I felt nothing but love for those children and I know many of you thought me strange for the things that I did. Having kids around me, yes even in my bed, did not seem strange. I just wanted to make sure they felt the love of being a child, the love I missed out on. You have to remember that in my mind, I was still a child because I wanted so badly to have my childhood back. I tried to recapture it with toys and games and watching the joy in the children's faces. Giving others what I never had was something that gave me pleasure. To see a child ride on a train, or ride a pony or eat candy and play games all day without a care in the world, that was my joy. And to be able to have fun and do it along with them was also my pleasure. I'm not sorry for the way that I lived my life, only sorry that many of you saw me as a monster. But yet, I only hold love in my heart even for those that hate me. I acknowledged the emotions and where they came from, I may not have completely understood them for you see, I didn't think in the same thought processes that most people did. I could however relate to the anger felt at the thought of a child being hurt…. That I understood. I understood that if someone thought I had harmed a child, they would be angry. I just didn't understand why anyone would think that I would harm a child. Children are our most precious resource and so many times they have to go through such great pain. I never wanted to see a child suffer or feel sadness, that was horrible for me, and that's why I built Neverland, to give them a glimmer of hope, a light shining bright in a world of seeming darkness, a place where time stopped and they could just be kids and have fun. I will never be able to explain my thoughts and feelings properly because unless you lived my life, you just can't fathom the depths of my emotions, thoughts and pain and therefore can't understand my way of life. I never wanted to hurt anyone, that is not who I am at my very core. I love children, children are a blessing, a loving gift from God. I would never harm them, never.

What message do you have for us now (to help us in general)?

I really wish we could go back to the days when there wasn't so much violence… if I could say one thing it would be listen to «We Are the World» and live that… that was such a beautiful thing we did and the message needs to be brought back again… we have forgotten what life is truly about… it's about peace, harmony and joy. It's about having fun, living life, not living in sadness and pain and turmoil. Help your neighbor, and if they will help someone else, and in turn they help someone else, we can all join in peace and happiness, all across the globe. We are all connected and when you hurt someone, you're hurting all of us. Dig down and find the joy and happiness in your heart… it's there, you just have to find it again.

And to those of you that are feeling my passing as a loss, I am not gone, I am still here… My song «You are not alone» says it all… I am not gone, I am just not in a physical body anymore. I am in your hearts if you choose and can always hear your messages, so talk to me, I will listen, I am still here, you are not alone

So, this thought process just started in my head tonight and I felt the need to blog about it

I love the saying that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. But tonight I was wondering, if that is true then why are we constantly told to limit our human experience? If we are here to EXPERIENCE the human form, why are we not «allowed» to fully experience all that comes along with being human? So many times spiritual people cast judgment on other spiritual people, or «suggest» that they not do this and not do that. And I have been thinking about it all week. I decided if I couldn't have my human experiences, if I can't JUST BE ME then I don't want to do this anymore!

For the past year I have been on a very determined spiritual path of enlightenment. I've been trying to spread my wings, learn new things, open up to new possibilities, and what I have come to realize is that the usual metaphysical mumbo-jumbo just ain't where it's at for me. I have respect for those who love that path and embrace it, but one of the things that makes me great at what I do (mediumship, paranormal investigation, etc) is that I am just ME. I don't pretend to be something other than a human being with human needs, desires, emotions, «flaws». I saw myself starting to put on this metaphysical mask because there are many people in the metaphysical community who frown upon many of the human experiences. Don't eat red meat, don't smoke, don't drink, don't watch tv, don't listen to «that kind» of music, don't use curse words. And last week I really realized if I can't eat red meat, drink alcohol every once in a while or when I feel like it, watch my tv shows, use curse words sometimes, get angry every once in a while and listen to hip-hop - then what the heck am I here for? I realized that we ARE spiritual beings having a human experience, so why wouldn't we embrace the human stuff? Yeah, yeah, enlightenment, I get it, but I have found that my gifts and my connection with Creator is BETTER when I am just being me and yes sometimes that includes watching tv, eating red meat, drinking a margarita and using the f word as a sentence enhancer to get my point across. You want to know why my gifts and connection are better? BECAUSE I'M HAPPY!

I'm Scorpio and Italian and I do have a little bit of a temper at times and am VERY animated when I talk. Some people mistake my animation for severe emotions. Well, if you knew me, you would know that's just how I am, I am passionate about EVERYTHING I do, and it comes through when I'm talking about it. So if someone says or does something rude to me, I will have a few words to say about it for a few minutes and then I'm over it. And in the metaphysical community that's frowned upon in many cases - I've even heard people say that if you're spiritual you shouldn't get angry. WOW. Isn't anger a human emotion and we're having this human experience? I believe every emotion has it's place, it's only when you let it control your every waking moment that it becomes a problem. Anger can bring about change, reflection, growth and so many other things. So guess what, I'm not going to dismiss my anger, I'm going to embrace it so long as it doesn't control me. It gets me fired up and motivated to do something about something

Okay so moving on to music. I like to listen to hip-hop. I can't tell you how many times I drove up to a metaphysical meeting with it turned up and got sincere glares coming my way. So I started to turn the music down and not admit to the fact that I listen to it. But guess what, when I listen to it I feel GOOD. I LOVE the beats and I don't listen to gangsta rap, so I don't listen to songs about killing people or doing drugs (and even if I did really that would be no one else's business lol). The songs make me feel good.... And I do listen to music to meditate and I have different moods, sometimes I listen to CD's of the ocean or nature, but when I'm driving in my car or I have to clean the house, nothing is better than a beat that I can move to So... hip-hop is here to stay for me at least until I get tired of it.

Food. Let's talk about food. I know what my body does or doesn't need and people's needs are individual to them. So carbs for one person may be good and carbs for someone else may be bad. But it's my body and I listen to what my body tells me. If I am craving a burger, I eat a burger. If I'm craving veggies, I eat veggies. I LOVE to eat period. And I can't really do that in the spirit world, not in the same way, so damnit I'm gonna do it while I'm here on this Earth having a Human Experience Nuff said!

Smoking... I get SOOOO much judgment for this one! First off let me say that WE ALL HAVE OUR VICES! Mine currently is smoking, but yours may be shopping, or alcohol or porn, or food or gambling or the Internet. Whatever it is, you have one, we ALL do. So me smoking is no better or worse than your porn/gambling/eating/drinking... they're just vices, they just are what they are. And yes I know cigarettes can cause cancer, but only if I ALLOW them to. I am taking steps to quit for many reasons, but I am really tired of the judgment guys, again I am having a HUMAN experience here and stuff happens, get over it! I never claimed to be perfect, nor will I EVER! I just get put in the spotlight more than others with all my «flaws» put out there to be judged. Thank goodness for the most part I don't care what others think (I just get tired of hearing about it and hearing your thoughts - yes I can read your thoughts sometimes people so be careful!

Speech - Watching what I say every minute of every day. Okay, I get the whole Law of Attraction thing, I get it, I get it. But if I have to think about each and every word that comes out of my mouth all the time, that's just not fun times for me! I have met a couple people that corrected EVERYTHING that comes out of my mouth and it was not fun. I believe the best gift we can give each other as spiritual and human beings is to let each other just be. Let each other be who we are, just let it all hang out. I believe that the best thing that you can give to someone else is a safe place to land - meaning a place where they know they will not be judged and that no matter what you are there for them. You're not trying to change them, you're just letting them be, just as they are. I know sometimes it doesn't work out that way because situations change, friends change, feelings change, and I know there are some people that I just don't resonate with... but for those closest to me, that's what I look for - a safe place to land and that's what I try to offer. If I feel compelled to offer advice or point something out, I do, but it's very rare because we should have those couple of people with whom we can just BE. Ahhhhhhhhh that feels good. So when you find someone who lets you just BE, make sure you appreciate it

Okay so I have gone kind of all over the place with this topic, but what I really want to stress is this. JUST BE YOU. In my mind there is no right or wrong way to be spiritual, there is your way and each person's way is unique to them. So be you and do it your own unique way. That's what I'm gonna do. I love me, I love how I feel when I'm just me, and the people around me love it when I'm just me. If they don't, well I guess it's time to move on. Accept me as I am or don't, this is me in all my glory

For so many of us right now things are changing, and sometimes it can feel wonderful, sometimes it can feel horrible and sometimes it seems like we can't even feel at all. This upcoming move has been a time for a sort of forced reflection in-between the packing and making phone calls for utilities and such. When we have times of change in our lives, the reflection moments tend to creep in here and there whether we want them to or not. Some of us run away from reflection because it may cause us to take a look at things that may feel painful, or maybe cause us to feel as though we regret something and think what-if. But reflection is good if you can look back with non-judgmental eyes. Reflection can bring us clarity on situations as we can hopefully look back with fresh eyes, not still embroiled in the emotions of the events or situations. After all, the pain that we feel is not caused by the situation itself but rather our perceptions of it. Each situation has taught us something, and the choices we made were neither good or bad, they were just choices that brought us lessons. If we can just distance ourselves from the perception of pain and wrong choices, we can be at peace with our lives and with ourselves. Reflection can bring about healing for past perceived hurts and it can bring us clarity on what we would like to create now and for our future. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So, can you stop running away and instead take a moment and reflect on what you DO want in your life instead of focusing on what you didn't want before and what is «wrong» in your life? There are so many wonderful things, people and events in our life, but sometimes they tend to get overshadowed in our minds by the things we don't like in our lives. Take a moment and think about what you DO have and be grateful. Think of the people in your life that you cherish, the events that have caused you to laugh and have fun, the lessons that these people, things and events have brought into your life. I truly believe it is much more difficult to bring in the things we DO want in our lives if we can't even appreciate what we already have in our lives. Today I am thankful for my loving husband, my beautiful and amazing children, the friends I've made on this journey, the spirits, guides and angels I get to communicate with every day, and this planet Earth we live on for the chance to experience Earthly emotions, pleasures and all that Mother Earth has to offer. I am thankful for the roof over my head, the clothes in my closet, the food in my belly and my refrigerator and cabinets, and especially the love and support from all of my «spiritual family/friends».

Thank you to those of you that have played any part in my life, for there is no great or small part to play, they are all great parts as each and every interaction has added to my path, to my lessons, to my purpose, to my journey, to my experience, to my life So thank you all from the deepest regions of my heart May you continue to have blessings in your life, and be able to see and acknowledge them, for we are all blessings to one another simply by just being!

I have been thinking about writing this for a while, but everytime I went to write it, I couldn't get the words quite right. But I think tonight is the night Another title for it could be also judgment vs. discernment. This is something I've been chewing on for quite a while and in many ways. Growing up I would know things about people that no one else seemed to know. I would know when someone was cheating, when someone was using drugs, when someone had a selfish personality, when someone was lying, when someone had been abused. And I learned early on not to say any of this out loud for many reasons. One is that it usually wasn't things that people wanted everyone to know about, these were private things; otherwise they would have broadcast it to the world right? And secondly, when I did voice them as fact, I was met with «Quit being so judgmental» comments. Even just this year that has happened to me. I can't remember the exact situation but someone was in a car acting kinda funny and I said «Well that's because she's on drugs». And I got the response «Stop being so judgmental». And I matter of factly said «I'm not being judgmental, I'm being factual, she's really on drugs, it's a statement of fact». And I laughed because I really wasn't judging, I've known many people with drug addictions, some of those people are people I loved, and so I know that all kinds of people can become addicted for all kinds of reasons. And I know that most drug addicts beat themselves up enough about being addicted, as well as life in general, which is usually what brought them to drugs in the first place. So, nope, I wouldn't be judging, actually the empath in me would feel their pain and know where they are coming from and actually want to help

Anyways, the point of this is, that all my life I've been looked at as a judgmental person. And so along the way I've tried to figure out if I really truly am judgmental, or if I just appear that way. And if I am judgmental, how can I change that? I came to the conclusion that I was a little judgmental, but not in the degree that others see me in, so I set out to change both of those things. To see what I could do instead of being judgmental, and to make sure others didn't see me as judgmental. And I'm not one to really care what others' think of me, that is I don't let my world hinge on others' opinions of me. It was more that I wanted my close friends to know ME, not what I appeared to be. So, I did some soul searching, made mental notes of the difference in when I was being truly judgmental and when I was stating facts because of my intuition. And in doing this soul/inner work, I realized one of the reasons I was holding on to some of my judgment was because I thought that meant I was telling the other person it was okay to act that way. That it was okay to act like a jerk or rip someone off or make someone feel bad. And what I came to realize was a couple of things.

The first thing I learned is that we are all here for a soul lesson/purpose and each of ours is unique to us. No two people are here on the exact same path. No two people have the same personality as such, and no two people have the same personality trait for the same exact reason. Now, I already knew about soul lessons and such, but I look at it differently now. When that person is «acting like a jerk» (which is really just a human label), they are doing so because it is helping them with what they came to learn. You may ask well can't they do it another way? Yes, they probably could, but this is the most efficient way. Let me lay it out for you... A man acts like a jerk to everyone, his family, co-workers, friends, strangers. What does acting like a jerk do for you? It can do several things, it can alienate you from everyone eventually. Let's go with that one. So, if this man came here to learn loneliness, wouldn't being a jerk serve his purpose the best? Let's say he came here to learn forgiveness. Him being a jerk will eventually cause him to piss the right person off who will in turn do something possibly horrificly jerky to him, which gives way to learning forgiveness. Or maybe he came here to learn the emotion of anger and to overcome the emotion. Maybe part of his purpose here is to be an angry man the first half of his life, learn how to overcome it and then teach others how to overcome it as well. So, my point is here that there is always a rhyme or reason to why people are the way they are.

But here is where the rub always came in for me. Okay, so I acknowledge the light in other people, acknowledge their purpose and path, but does that mean I just have to put up with it? And those in the spiritual community would say «You have to let them be who they are, without judgment». That always made me shake my head and say, NO, there has to be another way, another angle. I can let them be, and not judge, but I really don't feel like dealing with certain people. Really, do I have to deal with people whom when I leave them I feel depleted, drained and beat up? NO! NO! NO! There has to be another way to look at this... and so that's what I've been chewing on for the last year or two, trying to make sense of how all this works and how to accept it/how to view it/how to deal with it. I've been receiving alot of guidance on it especially in the last couple months and it is finally becoming clear to me (YAY). I can accept someone for who they are and then it is my choice what to do from there. I can choose to continue to hang around them out of a feeling of obligation or guilt or whatever the case may be. OR I can choose to distance myself and if need be, sever ties with them. Now, some of you at this point are saying DUH, you don't have to be around people, it is your choice. But here's where I'm going to throw a wrench into this - I'm talking about FAMILY MEMBERS.

Yep, family members. You DO HAVE A CHOICE. And that is what I've learned and I'll talk a little bit more about the guidance I've received lately from the spiritual realm. But let's go a little bit more into what I'm talking about. So, I am talking about your mom, your sister, your brother, your father, your uncle, your mother in law, your father in law, your cousin, anyone in your family (and this also applies to friends and such but this topic of family is more what I want to get across). I used to look at people that were «estranged» from their family and say «Oh my gosh, but she's your MOTHER, how can you NOT talk to her? It shouldn't matter what they did, they are family». Oh boy am I eating those words now Why is it that we feel so OBLIGATED to be around, keep in touch with and do things for our family? Because it's been ingrained in us since we were small - «Family is everything», you can't abandon them, after all they brought you into this world, they raised you, took care of you, etc etc. Well guess what? That job is done, you are «grown up» now! You can make your own choices now.

Okay let's go into the guidance I've received and then back into some examples and specifics. So, in talking with my guides, angels and even Creator, I have learned a couple things surrounding this. I know we all sign up for all that we do and are here, including what family members we want to be raised by - yes you chose your parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles and they agreed to play those roles to you/for you. And I was stuck in that thinking that, hey I chose them, so I'm stuck with them. Guess what? You're not. It seems that (and this is just what I've received and I always tell people to go with what feels right for them don't take anything anyone says at truth unless it feels right), we choose our parents for a specific reason to RAISE us, but that once the «raising» is done, we no longer have that obligation/tie/commitment with them anymore. They have fulfilled their end of the bargain, and that's it. So, if there is someone in your family who just leaves you feeling drained of energy or irritated everytime you talk, and you have tried everything you can think of to work something out between you two for harmonious encounters and it's not working.... leave the relationship. If you were with a lover and it wasn't working out, would you stay just because you felt obligated (well some people would) but most of us would end the relationship, so why would it be different with family? Yes I know, religion and ancestors have burned it into our mind that in this scenario it would be abandonment and wrong and we should feel guilty. THERE IS NO NEED FOR GUILT. Your contract with them is done, it has served it's purpose and you are FREE TO MOVE ON.

Now, I will say this... there are times when yes, there is still a lesson to be learned, and in some cases there are things that can be done to be in harminous proximity to each other. In my case, with some of my family, I literally gave it all I could, suggested counseling, changed my perception of the situation, my perception of their motives, but it was completely clear to me that this person/these people were not going to budge in any way, anytime in this lifetime without a major catastrophic event/awakening occuring. So I found myself with the choice. Do I stay in these «relationships» which leave me drained, frustrated, and off-balance, or do I distance myself and make a separation? I am choosing to distance myself, to have a very, very limited relationship and possibly in the end, no relationship at all. Why? Because at this point, I have learned all the lessons I can learn from this relationship, and it has run it's course.

Do I feel guilty? Nope. You want to know why? Because I realized it has always been and will always be MY CHOICE. It's my choice to make sure I take care of MYSELF. I don't have an obligation to other people, nor should I feel that I have one. At the end of the day, I can look myself in the eyes and say that I did what was right for me today, and I didn't do it by intentionally stepping on people or causing them pain. How people take my choices is THEIR EMOTION TO OWN.. you cannot MAKE anyone else feel anything, it is their choice as to what emotion they take on from your actions. One of my favorite comedians (and I'll leave out the curse words he uses lol) has a part in his routine where he says «Ladies, you have to stop blaming guys for ruining your self esteem. You always say «You messed up my self esteem». His response is «Self-esteem is ESTEEM OF YOURSELF. How can I mess up how YOU feel about YOU?». I love it, it's so true, no one can MAKE us feel anything... we choose what to feel in reaction to people. So, if people take my choices and decide to react angry, sad, etc, it's not something that I am willing to take on as a responsibility. I'm always here to explain my reasons for the choices if they want help in understanding, but that's as far as it goes. So, I will not feel guilty for not having a relationship with a family member, and that's my final answer

Okay, now I know some of you may want more specific examples of what I mean, because it may help a little more in seeing where I'm coming from, what I'm talking about. And it also brings in discernment vs. judgment. So, let's use an example, let's say we're talking about my cousin Bob. So, my cousin Bob deep down is a great guy, he really does care about the people close to him, however he just doesn't quite know how to express it. He is a Type A personality to the nth degree, and the world really does revolve around him. His peripheral vision of what's going on around him is non-existent. He also doesn't seem to be attuned to the needs of those around him or what's going on in their lives. After all, the world revolves around HIM. He is constantly on the go, constantly doing something, anything and always in a hurry. This hurry would seem to be the cause of why he's not paying attention to his surroundings, because he's so busy, how can he possibly have time to see what's going on, but really it's not the cause, it's the excuse. If he's so busy that he can't see, it means he doesn't have to deal with emotional «stuff», and if he doesn't have to deal with other people's emotional «stuff», then he doesn't have to deal with his own emotional «stuff». Ahhh... do you see where I'm going with this yet? So if we were judging, we would say Bob's a jerk who just doesn't care about others. Discernment says okay, he acts this way because of the emotional pain he has inside that he's not ready to deal with/is running away from. And here's where the choice comes in. So, you now know why Bob is the way he is, and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to be around Bob and his actions/lifestyle because you know what the reasoning behind it is, or will you end the «relationship» with Bob because his actions are not the kind you want to be around. You can weigh the pros vs. the cons of being in this relationship. Do the pros outweigh the cons, and if so, can you learn to bite your tongue or the ideal outcome not take the cons personally? That is what this comes down to. In the situation of Bob, I personally choose not to be in a relationship with someone like that. I like to surround myself with people that appreciate and respect my time and me, because I do the same in return. I don't like chaos and disorder, and that's what Bob constantly has in his life. Chaos and disorder after a while tends to gnaw away at my balance, at my grounding, and that is not something I choose to deal with.

This is just a small/short example, I could get much more detailed but this is a blog, not a book I also want to point out one more thing. I am not saying that if you don't get along with your mother that you should immediately upon reading this cut off all communications (or your sister, cousin, aunt, etc). I do believe that many relationships can be turned into mutually beneficial ones if both parties are willing to make an effort. One of my favorite sayings is by Dr. Phil when he says that people need to «Earn their way out of marriage» and I believe the same is true for close relationships of all kinds. So, if your relationship with a family member is not where you'd like it to be and you just want to run away, try some things first. Try talking with them and explaining how YOU FEEL. Don't blame them and don't use sentences that start with «You always do...» or «You make me feel». Instead say «I feel», for example «I feel like I'm not a priority when you talk on the phone during dinner». That way you are taking responsibility for YOUR feelings and they won't feel attacked. There are many other ways to see if you can work it out, that's just a starting point, and you will find that many times people won't even be aware that their actions have a certain effect on people, because their motivations are not what you would think they are usually.

If you do find that they just aren't willing to budge, listen, etc and you want to walk away, don't feel guilty about it. You have to take care of you, and THAT is my final answer Feel free to email me if you want to talk about this, like I said, there is much more detail that couldn't be included here.

On this spiritual path, we all run into people with varying opinions on what it means to be spiritual, what it means to be «pure», to be a «clear vessel». And I have to say that sometimes I am surprised at people in the spiritual community. It seems lately I hear more and more people getting very opinionated about the topic of eating red meat or not, and eating meat and dairy at all or not. There are several reasons that I am perplexed at times especially about this topic, and I'll start with my number one issue:

1. Those that think that killing animals for food is cruel
Okay, I must take a deep breath before I write this so as not to come across as judgmental So... the people that are usually being the loudest/most opinionated about this topic are intuitives in some form or fashion right? They are usually sensitives, channelers, etc. Yet, I don't hear them mention anything about talking to the animals themselves or talking to their guides, angels, etc about what the animals have to say. Oh yes, I do hear them say that they can «feel the animal's pain»... hmmmmm.... are they sure they are feeling their pain of being our food source, or is it possibly instead the pain of the conditions they are living in, or the way we are abusing Mother Earth or ??? The reason I put it like this is that I have had conversations with animals, my guides, angels, etc and animals such as cows, chickens, pigs, etc knew they were to be part of the food chain. They signed up for this «assignment» of coming here to Earth knowing full well that they would be bred for consumption by humans. We all signed up for specific life lessons and such before we came here, why would the animals not be able to choose where and when they would be and what purpose they would serve? And would they not already know their fate, just as we can see our life written out for us before we come here (minus the changes due to free will that is)?

Now, that is not to say that I agree with some of the conditions that greed has caused people to subject these animals to. I don't agree with overcrowding, feeding them hormones and antibiotics to stimulate growth for mass production, but again, I come back to the fact that the animals KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, that this would be their fate. Now, can we do something to help them? YES! Over the last few months, I have been guided to only buy organic for certain types of food - eggs, milk, meat, fruits and vegetables and I feel better when I eat it, I feel healthier. So, yes, if we all decided we would ONLY buy organic foods, then the farmers, etc would be forced to not overcrowd/add hormones and such.. so why don't we focus on THAT instead of the cruelty at animals over the pure fact of being bred to be consumed - THAT'S THEIR JOB! For those that have a religious background/the Bible specifically... Abraham had herds of animals for CONSUMPTION PURPOSES (along with dairy, etc), as did many people after him.

2. Those that look «down» upon meat-eaters or try to say vegetarian is NECESSARY for spirituality
Namaste and I love everyone, but you know what, I am gonna eat meat until I feel I shouldn't anymore. Is there probably some truth in the fact that we may need to adjust our diet in the future, absolutely! If what many say will happen in the years surrounding 2012, we may need to not have lower vibrational foods in our belly... do I think we will die on the day the ascension happens if we have red meat in our bellies? NO. May you possibly have a time of adjustment? YES. (I won't go into what that means because I still am not clear on what 2012 will exactly mean for us all, and I don't want to put info out that may not be accurate. If you would personally like more info - email me - and I'd be glad to chat with you privately about what I have gotten so far). The main point here is that TO EACH HIS OWN. I have yet to have my guides, angels or Creator for that matter say that I cannot be a clear channel/vessel if I eat meat. I do readings, talk to dead people :), Archangels and so on and I eat hamburgers, chicken, fish, eggs, cheese, milk, etc. So people, can we calm it down a bit? ... Here's where I stand, I will do what feels right for ME, and if someone wants to talk to me about being a vegetarian, I will listen IF they have valid points to bring to the table, not just that they are buying into the group consciousness of what red meat and animal cruelty means. So, until the day Creator says to me that I shouldn't eat meat, or I start not feeling well when I eat it, I will be eating meat (and I do buy hormone/antibiotic free meat just as an FYI

So if you take anything away from this, here are the points I was trying to make:

Please do not buy into a group consciousness mentality without checking in with yourself and see what feels right to YOU (as well as checking in with your guides, angels, Creator/Source so forth)

Do not EVER feel bad for doing something that you feel is right for you (i.e. don't feel guilty for eating red meat, or having a glass of wine, we are all unique souls and as such are on different life paths/lessons/charts). Actually the more accurate statement would be DON'T EVERY FEEL GUILTY AT ALL! Everything happens for a reason and WE ARE ALL PERFECT IN CREATOR'S EYES REGARDLESS OF WHAT WE DO!!!!

Not one of us is «better» than another. Period, end of discussion

Love and light always,
Dawn (Just being me-no woo woo stuff, just a «real» person)

Many times over the years, I have observed people when in the presence of a well known author, speaker or instructor in an awe-struck state that causes them to take everything they say as truth. I am still completely amazed at this, and while I can understand where they are coming from, after all this person must know what they are talking about if they have a best selling book-right? Not necessarily. I want to urge people to check in with their internal compass whenever listening to someone speak, reading a book or surfing the net. There are many well-intentioned people out there, but intentions doesn't equal truth. Many of those on their spiritual path may not be connecting with the highest level vibrational entities or may be letting ego get in the way of clear communication (or interspersing high level information along with their ego's information). I have seen this many times, for example, I spent a weekend at a channeling event last year and throughout the channeling session, I could pinpoint when he was being a pure channel and when he had «lost the connection» and was coming from self/ego. It was up and down like a bouncing ball and I was completely amazed that the other people in the room didn't see it. I chatted with a colleague later about it who had also attended, and she too saw it, but it seemed that most of the people in the room had complete faith that everything being said was 100% light, 100% truth and ran with it. I found out later that one of the attendees had even based several decisions on the information she received when the channel had answered her question (and that was one of the times when the channel was speaking from ego!). The point I'm trying to make here is PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check in with your «internal compass» when obtaining information from various sources. No one on this earthly plane knows everything and is 100% accurate. I in fact start all my classes by saying «I don't know everything and I am constantly learning and evolving. So, whatever I say here tonight, see if it feels right for you, if it does great, if it doesn't, don't hold on to it-followed by a gesture of throwing something over your shoulder :)». There are several authors that I absolutely adore, but I also know that about 30% of their books are things that I don't necessarily agree with, and that's okay. The key is that I am AWARE that some of the information doesn't feel correct to me, and I don't accept what they say at face value. So I can still read the book or attend the class, just with an open radar for what is my truth and what feels right. There is not 1 person on this planet whom I would ever put 100% trust in 100% of what they say and do... that's not being paranoid, that's being true to myself.

You may ask «How can I know if what they are saying is truth?». The first and best way is how you FEEL. If someone says something and you are overwhelmed by a feeling of nauseau, that's probably one of the things you want to «throw out» or disregard. However if they say something and you get a feeling of love in your heart, then that's probably something that resonates with you and okay to «keep». Everyone is a little different in how they react, and you will have to find your «meter readings». A great way to start is to state some true questions and false questions and see how each feels - where do you feel it on your body? How does it feel? So for example if you are a female, say out loud «I am a male»... how does that feel? That's how it may feel when you hear or read something that doesn't resonate as true for you. Now say «I am a female» and see how that feels. You can ask various questions and see how each makes you feel and you should start to see a pattern between «truth and untruth». The saying «go with your gut» has been around for ages for a reason, it really can be a gauge for inner truth. If I'm not sure about a situation or person or information, I look at what I feel, not what I'm thinking... we all have intuition, we are all connected, we are all psychic, it's just a matter of tuning in and hearing

Be true to yourself and to your inner light... keep your light shining

Love and light always!!!

It seems so many times on my spiritual path I have been told to wait by my guides, angels and sometimes earthly people And it seems that many other lightworkers frequently get the same message. We feel an urgency, however we are told to wait, it's not time yet. This can be frustrating when you feel like there is so much you are supposed to be doing and you feel like your hands are tied. And I used to get frustrated, but I have seen so many times where the wait was worth it! In these quick changing energetic times, sometimes the wait is necessary for our energy to synchronize with whatever new situation we will be moving into, or the angelic beings or masters we will be working with next. Or we may be waiting for a person, place or situation to change or be available. I have learned time and time again that forcing something doesn't usually create the best outcome. The outcome may even seem to be okay, but who wants just okay? I want the best possible outcome! So, when my guides and angels or even Creator tell me to just wait, I smile because I know what wonderful things must be coming my way and that everything has it's place and time! And I smile because I know that I have a heavenly team behind me, helping me every step of the way, moving things into my path that are necessary for the best possible outcome. I smile because I realize that this would be alot harder if I was doing this all alone, but I'm NOT! We are never alone... it may feel like we are alone, but we aren't! And everytime I start to spiral down the path towards that lonely place, I remind myself of one of my favorite stories/parables, the Footprints in the sand. It reminds me that I am never alone on my journey, and to have patience and faith! Now this story uses Lord, however it applies to whatever your higher power is, and not only to God/Creator/Source/etc but your angels and guides, they never leave you, there is always someone there to guide, protect and help you, or just to be there!

Written by Margaret Fishback Powers (1964)

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking
Along the beach with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene,
He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
He looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
There was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened
At the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him
And he questioned the Lord about it.
«Lord, You said that once I decided to follow You,
You'd walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that
During the most troublesome times in my life,
There is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed
You most you would leave me.»

The Lord replied, «My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
When you see only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.»